"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
And so I'm cultivating my rain dance...
Apparently I have made it into 2011. I was rather numb when the literal transition occurred and even though I was surrounded by friends and festivities my mind was elsewhere. I have found myself in this space way more often than I'm like to admit...being a voyeur of sorts. I can be in a place surrounded by people and find myself feeling like an outsider, floating through the masses and peering into the lives of others. Sometimes its a really interesting place to be because I pick up on the things that make others tick, their quirks, or the things they do when they think no one is looking and I can usually get a little giggle out of it. On the other hand, it can also be a somewhat lonely and isolating place when I feel like I can't control it and it inhibits my ability to enjoy those around me. I've always lived inside my head just recognizing it more these days.
My friends have chastised me in the past for reverting into my shell when I'm dealing with a problem. I think it's difficult for people to understand that while I enjoy people and am often the center of attention that I am kind of an emotional introvert. I need to sit with my thoughts and feelings before I am ready to share outwardly. There's something about raw emotion that makes me uncomfortable. My processing style can be alienating but don't take it personal. Just know that I will reemerge a stronger, smarter, more mindful person than I was before.
So for now I'm internalizing...and choreographing my rain dance.
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