Who would’ve guessed that nearly a year has passed since I began this journey and here we go. I am one day away from having surgery that will drastically change my life in so many ways. Are you ready? A question that I have been asked countless times over the past few days. My response, as ready as I’m going to get. I mean can you ever really mentally or emotionally prepare for something that changes life as you have known it for the past 30 years in a little over an hour. I mean I’ve done the research, been to numerous doctors for clearances, attended support groups, and even made it through this grueling pre-op diet yet I still can’t quite wrap my head around what all of this means.
So I started this entry on the day before surgery and just really couldn’t find the words to finish it. Now here I am 5 days post op and I’m going to give it a go again. Where do I begin…
Surgery? What surgery??
When I posted that I was home from the hospital and doing well many people sent their well wishes along with questions about why I had surgery and if I was ok. The questions didn’t catch me off guard, but I found myself grappling with the appropriate way to answer. Should I respond individually or just post a blanket fb status with the details. Until now I have just left the questions unanswered. Not that it’s some big secret or I’m embarrassed just needed to find a time and forum that was appropriate for me. So again you are probably wondering…what is it? LOL Now I’m just prolonging my disclosure so you will continue reading. I crack me up. Anywho, on June 27th I had gastric bypass. Shocked? Yea, I know. I opted to only share this with my immediate family and a few close friends for several reasons. First, I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions or potentially deal with folk who weren’t supportive. I only wanted positive energy surrounding me during this journey. Second, I needed to ensure that this was actually going to go down. I always consider the worst case scenario like what if I can’t get all of the clearances or my insurance denies the request. It would have been much easier to cope with a denial if the whole world didn’t know. By now I know many of you may be asking why? The most common response I have gotten is…”You aren’t even that big!” However, I am and regardless of how my body carries the excess weight I need to get it off and am looking to make lifestyle changes to be healthier down the line. A major misconception is that weight loss surgery is a quick fix. Actually, it’s not and is simply a tool to aid you in the process. Without dedication and commitment to forever changes the surgery will be ineffective. Good thing I choose a program that in addition to monthly support groups also offers a lifetime of follow up with the nutritionist, nurses, and doctor.
Second Thoughts
There are few things that I remember from the minutes leading up to surgery. However, I do remember thinking what the hell am I doing as I was waiting to be wheeled into the operating room. Months of preparation didn’t prepare me for those few seconds of uncertainty and anticipation. It’s kind of scary for a complete life change to be so tangible and in your face. So I sucked up those butterflies, prayed, and did some breathing exercises to calm myself down and shifted myself from the stretcher to the operating table. The last thing I remember was the doctor injecting the “good stuff” into my IV and looking up at the lights above the OR table and thinking to myself…this is just like the movies.
Hospital Hysteria
The next thing I recall is waking up in the recovery room. An area for folk who are just out of surgery and waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and prior to transfer to a permanent room. The pain was intense. Now I have a high threshold for pain and even though I have never given birth I would say this pain was very closely related to labor pains. SN: In that moment I also thought if this is what childbirth feels like…I’m good. The nurse came over and gave me some morphine along with the button to self-medicate every 8 minutes and I was back in heaven. Until, the woman in the next bed woke from her slumber screaming and moaning. And you all know my first response…I CAN’T!! lol She needed to be moved asaply because she was intruding on my peace. I had just enough strength to turn my head in her direction and shoot a death stare. Yup, I’m back!!
I hoped the transfer to my room would allow me to find that serenity again, but just my luck I had to share with yet another character. I am not sure what it is about me, but I must have a sign that says tell me your life story…I’m listening because in a matter of hours I knew her entire life story. I’ve got to do better at turning this off when I am not working. I guess I can actually give her credit for assisting in my recovery because I had to get away or risk being talked to death. NURSE…I think I’m ready to walk. And there I was 5 hours after surgery walking the halls with my butt out and IV in tow. I didn’t even care.
Now what?
So, I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday and I’ve been trying my best to resist cabin fever ever since. My friends have been really good about rescuing me from these 4 walls and I get out to walk the dog several times a day. I am feeling great and down to only taking pain meds once a day. I’ll be on a liquid diet for the next 3 weeks. Yay for me. Lol By day 3 I was over chicken broth. Something has got to give. I will be able to introduce some additional liquids next week so I’m looking forward to that. In the meantime, I fight the psychological food battle that still goes on in my head. TV commercials, BBQs, trips to malls past the smell of food courts…it’s all a test. I’m embracing these challenges and thanking God for this resiliency and a great support system.
Speaking of a great support system, many of my friends have decided to embark on this journey with me. Not necessarily having surgery, but just learning more about this process and what it means. They have made the decision to become healthier along with me by eating better and becoming exercise buddies. I will continue to update my progress in the goings on in my life in this blog. We will also be blogging these experiences, having discussions and answering questions in another blog Through Thick and Thin. Read it, Like it, Friend it...Whatever.
http://friendsthroughitall.blogspot.com/
Sn: There is nothing posted yet. We are working on that.
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