You don't look a day older than 25...and that's because I'm not. Ha, I know, wishful thinking. Yesterday marked my 11,315th day on this earth. Math skills a little shabby?? That's 31 years folk. So as I reflected on the year that has passed since the last milestone was hit I instantly thought about all the trails and tribulations the year brought. And then I forced myself to reframe my thinking and dwell on the positive things that have occurred and the lessons learned from the more trying times. And as I opened my eyes on that beautiful Saturday morning and took in all the blessings that have been placed before me all I could do was smile. I spent the day surrounded by family and great friends. I was reminded of how by just being yourself you can sometimes touch the lives of others without even realizing it. We place so much value on material things when sometimes a simple hug goes a long way. A friend of mine wrote to me "Happy birthday beautiful! You have taken some great steps toward loving you so may God continue to bless this personal journey that you are on to peace, happiness, and love." And that is so reflective of exactly what I found in my 30th year. I discovered the ability to love myself unconditionally. Figured out that it is ok to put myself first and take care of my needs without feeling guilty about it. And in doing so not neglecting the needs of others just not making them a priority in my life. And so my journey to peace, happiness, and love continues.
525,600 minutes how do you measure a year in life? No matter how you count it up make the most of each moment. Here's to the best 525,600 minutes of my life as I embark on yet another year. I can't wait to see whats in store.
#NUFFSAID
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Bitter Sweet
Alright so my two week post op appointment went well. Incisions healed and 20 pounds lost so I was riding high until I hit mid week and I dumped for the first time. What is dumping you may ask...
Dumping syndrome, or rapid gastric emptying, is a combination of symptoms that occur when an overly large meal, or a meal high in fat or sugar is consumed by a weight loss surgery patient. The meal is "dumped" into the small intestine when the stomach empties quickly, causing feelings of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach gas, racing heart, cramps and cold sweats.
So yea, even after I vowed to never let this happen to me. It did and I thought I was going to die. First of all I ate some dang greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom and I guess I didn't mix it well enough so the sugar concentration was too high and my body had to reject it. Nothing like being on the toilet, throwing up and sweating bullets. Uggghh, I don't know how people intentionally do this to themselves by continuing to eat things they are not supposed to.
For the first time since I had surgery I actually had to ask myself what I have gotten into. But after about 30 minutes I returned to a coherent state and I was able to get myself together. They say that everyone experiences this at least once. I'm going to pray that this was my first and last time. In the meantime, my next appointment is next week and I will keep you all posted.
Dumping syndrome, or rapid gastric emptying, is a combination of symptoms that occur when an overly large meal, or a meal high in fat or sugar is consumed by a weight loss surgery patient. The meal is "dumped" into the small intestine when the stomach empties quickly, causing feelings of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach gas, racing heart, cramps and cold sweats.
So yea, even after I vowed to never let this happen to me. It did and I thought I was going to die. First of all I ate some dang greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom and I guess I didn't mix it well enough so the sugar concentration was too high and my body had to reject it. Nothing like being on the toilet, throwing up and sweating bullets. Uggghh, I don't know how people intentionally do this to themselves by continuing to eat things they are not supposed to.
For the first time since I had surgery I actually had to ask myself what I have gotten into. But after about 30 minutes I returned to a coherent state and I was able to get myself together. They say that everyone experiences this at least once. I'm going to pray that this was my first and last time. In the meantime, my next appointment is next week and I will keep you all posted.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Something old...Something New
Who would’ve guessed that nearly a year has passed since I began this journey and here we go. I am one day away from having surgery that will drastically change my life in so many ways. Are you ready? A question that I have been asked countless times over the past few days. My response, as ready as I’m going to get. I mean can you ever really mentally or emotionally prepare for something that changes life as you have known it for the past 30 years in a little over an hour. I mean I’ve done the research, been to numerous doctors for clearances, attended support groups, and even made it through this grueling pre-op diet yet I still can’t quite wrap my head around what all of this means.
So I started this entry on the day before surgery and just really couldn’t find the words to finish it. Now here I am 5 days post op and I’m going to give it a go again. Where do I begin…
Surgery? What surgery??
When I posted that I was home from the hospital and doing well many people sent their well wishes along with questions about why I had surgery and if I was ok. The questions didn’t catch me off guard, but I found myself grappling with the appropriate way to answer. Should I respond individually or just post a blanket fb status with the details. Until now I have just left the questions unanswered. Not that it’s some big secret or I’m embarrassed just needed to find a time and forum that was appropriate for me. So again you are probably wondering…what is it? LOL Now I’m just prolonging my disclosure so you will continue reading. I crack me up. Anywho, on June 27th I had gastric bypass. Shocked? Yea, I know. I opted to only share this with my immediate family and a few close friends for several reasons. First, I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions or potentially deal with folk who weren’t supportive. I only wanted positive energy surrounding me during this journey. Second, I needed to ensure that this was actually going to go down. I always consider the worst case scenario like what if I can’t get all of the clearances or my insurance denies the request. It would have been much easier to cope with a denial if the whole world didn’t know. By now I know many of you may be asking why? The most common response I have gotten is…”You aren’t even that big!” However, I am and regardless of how my body carries the excess weight I need to get it off and am looking to make lifestyle changes to be healthier down the line. A major misconception is that weight loss surgery is a quick fix. Actually, it’s not and is simply a tool to aid you in the process. Without dedication and commitment to forever changes the surgery will be ineffective. Good thing I choose a program that in addition to monthly support groups also offers a lifetime of follow up with the nutritionist, nurses, and doctor.
Second Thoughts
There are few things that I remember from the minutes leading up to surgery. However, I do remember thinking what the hell am I doing as I was waiting to be wheeled into the operating room. Months of preparation didn’t prepare me for those few seconds of uncertainty and anticipation. It’s kind of scary for a complete life change to be so tangible and in your face. So I sucked up those butterflies, prayed, and did some breathing exercises to calm myself down and shifted myself from the stretcher to the operating table. The last thing I remember was the doctor injecting the “good stuff” into my IV and looking up at the lights above the OR table and thinking to myself…this is just like the movies.
Hospital Hysteria
The next thing I recall is waking up in the recovery room. An area for folk who are just out of surgery and waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and prior to transfer to a permanent room. The pain was intense. Now I have a high threshold for pain and even though I have never given birth I would say this pain was very closely related to labor pains. SN: In that moment I also thought if this is what childbirth feels like…I’m good. The nurse came over and gave me some morphine along with the button to self-medicate every 8 minutes and I was back in heaven. Until, the woman in the next bed woke from her slumber screaming and moaning. And you all know my first response…I CAN’T!! lol She needed to be moved asaply because she was intruding on my peace. I had just enough strength to turn my head in her direction and shoot a death stare. Yup, I’m back!!
I hoped the transfer to my room would allow me to find that serenity again, but just my luck I had to share with yet another character. I am not sure what it is about me, but I must have a sign that says tell me your life story…I’m listening because in a matter of hours I knew her entire life story. I’ve got to do better at turning this off when I am not working. I guess I can actually give her credit for assisting in my recovery because I had to get away or risk being talked to death. NURSE…I think I’m ready to walk. And there I was 5 hours after surgery walking the halls with my butt out and IV in tow. I didn’t even care.
Now what?
So, I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday and I’ve been trying my best to resist cabin fever ever since. My friends have been really good about rescuing me from these 4 walls and I get out to walk the dog several times a day. I am feeling great and down to only taking pain meds once a day. I’ll be on a liquid diet for the next 3 weeks. Yay for me. Lol By day 3 I was over chicken broth. Something has got to give. I will be able to introduce some additional liquids next week so I’m looking forward to that. In the meantime, I fight the psychological food battle that still goes on in my head. TV commercials, BBQs, trips to malls past the smell of food courts…it’s all a test. I’m embracing these challenges and thanking God for this resiliency and a great support system.
Speaking of a great support system, many of my friends have decided to embark on this journey with me. Not necessarily having surgery, but just learning more about this process and what it means. They have made the decision to become healthier along with me by eating better and becoming exercise buddies. I will continue to update my progress in the goings on in my life in this blog. We will also be blogging these experiences, having discussions and answering questions in another blog Through Thick and Thin. Read it, Like it, Friend it...Whatever.
http://friendsthroughitall.blogspot.com/
Sn: There is nothing posted yet. We are working on that.
So I started this entry on the day before surgery and just really couldn’t find the words to finish it. Now here I am 5 days post op and I’m going to give it a go again. Where do I begin…
Surgery? What surgery??
When I posted that I was home from the hospital and doing well many people sent their well wishes along with questions about why I had surgery and if I was ok. The questions didn’t catch me off guard, but I found myself grappling with the appropriate way to answer. Should I respond individually or just post a blanket fb status with the details. Until now I have just left the questions unanswered. Not that it’s some big secret or I’m embarrassed just needed to find a time and forum that was appropriate for me. So again you are probably wondering…what is it? LOL Now I’m just prolonging my disclosure so you will continue reading. I crack me up. Anywho, on June 27th I had gastric bypass. Shocked? Yea, I know. I opted to only share this with my immediate family and a few close friends for several reasons. First, I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions or potentially deal with folk who weren’t supportive. I only wanted positive energy surrounding me during this journey. Second, I needed to ensure that this was actually going to go down. I always consider the worst case scenario like what if I can’t get all of the clearances or my insurance denies the request. It would have been much easier to cope with a denial if the whole world didn’t know. By now I know many of you may be asking why? The most common response I have gotten is…”You aren’t even that big!” However, I am and regardless of how my body carries the excess weight I need to get it off and am looking to make lifestyle changes to be healthier down the line. A major misconception is that weight loss surgery is a quick fix. Actually, it’s not and is simply a tool to aid you in the process. Without dedication and commitment to forever changes the surgery will be ineffective. Good thing I choose a program that in addition to monthly support groups also offers a lifetime of follow up with the nutritionist, nurses, and doctor.
Second Thoughts
There are few things that I remember from the minutes leading up to surgery. However, I do remember thinking what the hell am I doing as I was waiting to be wheeled into the operating room. Months of preparation didn’t prepare me for those few seconds of uncertainty and anticipation. It’s kind of scary for a complete life change to be so tangible and in your face. So I sucked up those butterflies, prayed, and did some breathing exercises to calm myself down and shifted myself from the stretcher to the operating table. The last thing I remember was the doctor injecting the “good stuff” into my IV and looking up at the lights above the OR table and thinking to myself…this is just like the movies.
Hospital Hysteria
The next thing I recall is waking up in the recovery room. An area for folk who are just out of surgery and waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and prior to transfer to a permanent room. The pain was intense. Now I have a high threshold for pain and even though I have never given birth I would say this pain was very closely related to labor pains. SN: In that moment I also thought if this is what childbirth feels like…I’m good. The nurse came over and gave me some morphine along with the button to self-medicate every 8 minutes and I was back in heaven. Until, the woman in the next bed woke from her slumber screaming and moaning. And you all know my first response…I CAN’T!! lol She needed to be moved asaply because she was intruding on my peace. I had just enough strength to turn my head in her direction and shoot a death stare. Yup, I’m back!!
I hoped the transfer to my room would allow me to find that serenity again, but just my luck I had to share with yet another character. I am not sure what it is about me, but I must have a sign that says tell me your life story…I’m listening because in a matter of hours I knew her entire life story. I’ve got to do better at turning this off when I am not working. I guess I can actually give her credit for assisting in my recovery because I had to get away or risk being talked to death. NURSE…I think I’m ready to walk. And there I was 5 hours after surgery walking the halls with my butt out and IV in tow. I didn’t even care.
Now what?
So, I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday and I’ve been trying my best to resist cabin fever ever since. My friends have been really good about rescuing me from these 4 walls and I get out to walk the dog several times a day. I am feeling great and down to only taking pain meds once a day. I’ll be on a liquid diet for the next 3 weeks. Yay for me. Lol By day 3 I was over chicken broth. Something has got to give. I will be able to introduce some additional liquids next week so I’m looking forward to that. In the meantime, I fight the psychological food battle that still goes on in my head. TV commercials, BBQs, trips to malls past the smell of food courts…it’s all a test. I’m embracing these challenges and thanking God for this resiliency and a great support system.
Speaking of a great support system, many of my friends have decided to embark on this journey with me. Not necessarily having surgery, but just learning more about this process and what it means. They have made the decision to become healthier along with me by eating better and becoming exercise buddies. I will continue to update my progress in the goings on in my life in this blog. We will also be blogging these experiences, having discussions and answering questions in another blog Through Thick and Thin. Read it, Like it, Friend it...Whatever.
http://friendsthroughitall.blogspot.com/
Sn: There is nothing posted yet. We are working on that.
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